Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
