I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize