Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
