How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
