I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
