we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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