I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
