Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
