I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
