she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
