her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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