is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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