adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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