so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
