I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
