ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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