Swine flu. Run for my life!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
