oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
