I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
