everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is my gift to your gina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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