im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize