and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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