I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
