I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize