i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Randomize
