Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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