I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
