we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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