I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
