Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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