I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
