the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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