Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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