Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
