Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
