I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
