i think my tv is drunk
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
