stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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