I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
These tits shall not be calmed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
