Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
