Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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