I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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