Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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