I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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