Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
