I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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