So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you win again, gameday.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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