I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
