This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
