your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize