You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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