In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
