I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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