Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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