this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
