K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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