Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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