We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
