dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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