I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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