Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
