so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
