Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
