This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
