alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
