Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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