Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
