i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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