so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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