Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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