xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize